Two trolls emerged from their caves yesterday to lim kopi. They came out into the open because they wanted to discuss whether the new anti-harassment legislation would disturb their peaceful existence.
How to get on with life now that you can’t make people cry or exercise the extent of your albeit limited vocabulary? How to get that frisson of pleasure knowing that your target was squirming and writhing in pain when you have to be oh-so polite now? Life was going to get boring for the trolls. Yes, they were troubled.
Supertroll: Eh, are you done with spamming that fella’s wall yet? Has he responded?
Trollalah: He’s keeping quiet. But not to worry, other troll troopers have joined me. Thank goodness! My fingers cramped already. But next time, have to change strategy. Just one massive attack and then move on to other targets…if not, I kena harassment law.
Supertroll: Don’t think that’s going to save you. The fella can also get some protection order…and then you got to take it down. Or can insist on right of reply, like the Government like that…
Trollalah: Aiyah. You think Facebook going to take down stuff or delete? Anyway, I’ll just make sure it’s gone viral very, very quickly. I take down also never mind. Mission accomplished!
Supertroll: Don’t play, play. You can get fined and jail if you don’t obey.
Trollalah: Hah! Catch me if you can! I have 10 accounts! You think anyone can be bothered to trace IP address…Or I just call myself Heather Chua or Anton Casey.
Supertroll: Wah. You super-cool about this. I super-nervous. Last night, I started this forum thread complaining about that what’s-his-name. Uploaded his home address and family pictures. Said his dog looked like his wife. Wah…he damn angry. Said he wanted apology and correction.
Trollalah: But his dog look like his wife or not? If it’s true, no need to correct statement…Aiyah, you think people can be bothered to go to court just because of us? Just having fun leh.
Supertroll: I don’t know leh. Some people so thin-skinned. You know this woman who wanted to sue me for defamation? She later gave up because too lecheh and too expensive. Heng ah…But now, easier for her to go to court.
Trollalah: Aiyah, don’t worry. Police where got time to trace you? They have so many problems already. This law just to make people feel happy but really no pakai. Just don’t go too far lah. Can say his dog look like his wife but not his wife is a dog. Safe already like that.
Supertroll: Actually I’m hoping this law is only for people who criticise politicians and their policies. You know, it’s just to shut down dissent, muzzle criticism and that sort of thing…not for people like us. Hopefully, the civil society types will make noise so that we can carry on trolling…
Trollalah: Eh, good idea. Why don’t we start an online petition and say this is a violation of human rights and freedom of speech? That what we are doing is in the public interest and all that? Sure the US State Department and other human rights groups will support….
Supertroll: Not so sure leh. Other countries also got this kind of law…What if the G start talking about cyber-bullying and how young people want to commit suicide because of it? I think can be “criminal’’ not just civil case. G got so much power…
Trollalah: Don’t be so chicken! How to work in CSI like that? You know our work is dangerous. Just don’t get exposed.
Supertroll: I think I resign or ask for a transfer to SOC. At least got helmet and shield. Although cannot anyhow whack people…or fire gun.
Trollalah: Easier just to use words lah. They can kill.
The two trolls sipped their kopi, deep in thought, unaware that a video recorder was capturing their slurping and sighs. Ten minutes later, the video was up on YouTube. They found themselves condemned and CSI-ed. They went to court to get a protection order but the judge threw them out. Trollalah said to Supertroll: “See? I told you it won’t work…’’